Random Acts of Linkage #118

farrah-fawcett-poster.jpg Not sure if that’s the image you expected at the top of the links list this week, but you have to admit it’s iconic. And it beats posting an image of the other guy who died that same day and stole most of the news cycle.

But now… thematic puns.

  • A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in linoleum blown apart.
  • Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.
  • I would like to go to Holland one day, wooden shoe?
  • England doesn’t have a kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.
  • The Irish should be rich because their capital is always Dublin.
  • Italian building inspectors in Pisa can be quite lenient.
  • A Scandinavian race is never over until the last Lapp crosses the Finnish line.

Random Acts of Linkage #117

desert-ed_vehicle.jpg Random image of the week, a “desert-ed vehicle.” You know, because seven days without a pun makes one weak. Don’t groan, that’s just a foretaste!

  • For a while, Houdini used a lot of trap doors in his act, but he was just going through a stage.
  • I used to be a tap dancer until I fell in the sink.
  • I saw a beaver movie last night, it was the best dam movie I’ve ever seen.
  • Did you hear about the fire at the circus? The heat was in tents.
  • Somebody was running a flea circus, but a dog came and stole the show.
  • A former doctor, while auditioning for a play, broke his leg. But luckily, he could still make the cast.
  • I keep reading ‘The Lord of the Rings’ over and over. I guess it’s just force of hobbit.

Random Acts of Linkage #116

biker-sheep.jpg This week’s “random” image of the week is from imgfave; lots more over there. Here’s what passes for humour this week:

  • A man goes to his doctor and tells him, “I’ve had the song ‘What’s New Pussycat’ stuck in my head for weeks, and it’s driving me crazy.” The doctor replies, “I think you may have Tom Jones disease.” Puzzled, the man says, “I’ve never heard of that. Is it rare?” “Well,” the doctor says, “It’s not unusual.”
  • Man walks into a doctor’s office and says, “Doc, I keep thinking I’m a pair of curtains.” The doctor slaps him and says, “Pull yourself together, man!”
  • A man walks into a doctor’s office and says, “I need your help, doctor. I think I’m a moth.” The doctor says, “You don’t need a doctor. You need a psychiatrist.” The man says, “I know. But your light was on.”

Random Acts of Linkage #115

ocean-alley.jpg Preceding the random links this week: a random photo from Stock.xchng and a few Scottish jokes… just because.

  • A Scottish boy came home from school and told his mother he had been given a part in the school play. “Wonderful,” says the mother, “What part is it?” The boy says “I play the part of the Scottish husband!” The mother scowls and says: “Go back and tell your teacher you want a speaking part.”
  • When Jock moved to London he constantly annoyed his English acquaintances by boasting about how great Scotland was. Finally, in exasperation, one said, “Well, if Scotland’s so marvelous, how come you didn’t stay there?” “Well,” explained Jock “they’re all so clever up there I had to come down here to have any chance of making it at all

Random Acts of Linkage #114

greenhummer.jpg

Gotta love the FailBlog, with classics like the photo here (maybe it’s just that Hummers dis-inspire logic) and the Fire Drill Fail. They even get that hotbed of failure, the church sign… which isn’t exactly rocket surgery.

And so we embark on another set of random links… abbreviated somewhat due to my reading schedule, which was shorted by the number of hours that aren’t in the week. Or is it that nobody’s saying anything? Naw, couldn’t be that. We begin with what doesn’t quite pass for humour.

  • Why didn’t the little girl want to leave nursery school? She wanted to be a nurse.
  • Have you heard about the new corduroy pillows? They’re making headlines…
  • When is a school paper not a school paper? When it’s turned into the teacher.

Random Acts of Linkage #113

getsmart.jpg Instead of giving you a separate list of funnies this week, I’ll just refer you to items 1 through 6. Will that do for now?

  1. Peter Rollins asks, “Does the devil really have all the good music?” — catch his comments on a few album covers.
  2. The Urban Blonde?
  3. Twitter users may find this chart helpful: Twitter trending topics
  4. Should you forward that email?
  5. How to Make a Baby — in case your kids ask.
  6. Awkward Family Photos — and you thought yours was bad. (via)
  7. Where ARE the Women?, asks Peggy Brown. This is the gender-related bruhaha that I wanted to comment on a few weeks back… best leave that to Peggy.

Random Acts of Linkage #112

steven-wright.jpg Happy Saturday! Here’s some Steven Wright to start us off.

  • Last time I went to the movies I was thrown out for bringing my own food. My
    argument was that the concession stand prices are outrageous. Besides, I
    haven’t had a Bar-B-Que in a long time.
  • One time I went to a drive-in in a taxi cab. The movie cost me $95.
  • I went to the cinema, and the prices were: Adults $5.00, children $2.50. So I
    said, “Give me two boys and a girl.”
  • I went to a restaurant that serves “breakfast at any time.” So I ordered
    French Toast during the Renaissance.
  • I went to this restaurant last night that was set up like a big buffet in the
    shape of an Ouija board. You’d think about what kind of food you want, and the
    table would move across the floor to it.

Random Acts of Linkage #111

cow-headshot.jpg You know you love it:

  • What do you call a cow with no legs? — Ground Beef.
  • What do you call a cow with only two legs? — Lean Beef.
  • What do you call a cow with three legs? — Tri Tip.
  • What do you call a cow jumping over a barbwire fence? — Udder Destruction.
  • Last night I dreamt I wrote Lord of the Rings… I was Tolkien in my sleep.
  • A baby seal walks into a club…
  • What’s green and has wheels? — grass… i lied about the wheels
  • What’s brown and sticky? — A stick.
  • There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
  • How do you make a hankie dance? — Put a little boogie in it.