Born March 9, 1959, Barbie Millicent Roberts turns 50 today… but you’ve probably already heard about that. Oddly enough, she was born an adult, meaning she’s closer to 70 than 50. I think Ms. Roberts (pictured) has had work done… somehow she just has that kind of “plastic” quality about her. That and the fact that by age 50 it seems almost certain that surgery would have been required for chronic back problems. Based on the gravity-defying figure she seemed to hold for the past 50 years, it was determined that if the 11½” doll were 5’6″, her measurements would be 39-21-33. One expert calculated that a woman’s chances of having Barbie’s figure were less than 1 in 100,000, so given the global population, this means there could actually be 50,000 women walking around with her measurements. Oddly enough, I can’t seem to recall having met any of them. No word on what 50-year-old Barbie’s measurements would be, nor what Barbara Segal’s measurements were or are. Ms. Segal is of course the daughter after whom Barbie was named by creator Ruth Handler, who died in 2005 at age 85. Word has it that in the toy world, G.I. Joe thinks that for taking so long to commit to Barbie and then letting her go, Ken is an idiot of Billy Joel proportions. But that’s just a rumour.

Sometimes you awake in the morning with the strangest things running through your brain. This morning was one of those sometimeses, as of all things, I had a recipe for Brother Maynard running around in my head looking for a way out.

Brother Maynard

Ingredients

(dry)
• ½c. sarcasm
• 2 Tbsp witticism (tempered with wry, dry & droll)
• 2c. cynicism
• 2½c. flour
• 1 tsp pinch of salt
• ¼c. baking powder

(wet)

• 1 tbsp Tobasco sauce
• ½ tsp. bitters (may substitute lemon or lime)
• 4c. confusion

Directions

Does your blog bite?
Nice bloggy.
[blog growls, snaps]
I thought you said your blog did not bite.
That is not my blog.

Confused? At least halfway? Me too. I ran my blogs (this one and my non-psedonymous one) through the Typealizer, which looks at your blog and tells you what Meyers-Briggs type you are. Or it is. Turns out my blog and I have less in common that I thought, or that one of us is not who we think we are. If my writing style turns out to be different than my actual MBTI-type, does that mean I’ve been false with my readers? Or is it just that I’m not who one of us thinks I am? When taking something a little closer to a real test, I come out pretty clearly as an INTP, which makes the results of the Typealizer a little suspect if you ask me. My result, both times:

Rodney Olson’s list of ten things he’s done that I (we) probably haven’t, and it reminded me of Peter Gzowski.

I used to listen to CBC Radio’s Morningside with Gzowski every morning. He used to play an on-air game with people — he would line up two or three noted people, who would each give three “facts” about themselves. These would usually be odd things they had done, strange experiences, encounters with famous people, or some intersection of these characteristics. Each person would ask a few clarifying questions in an attempt to discover which of the three “facts” was, in fact, a lie.

Today’s the day — the campaign is finally done, and we’re all just waiting to see what will happen while you sip your free Starbuck’s coffee. I have to say, I think we will miss the SNL intros that have been so good lately. While the world is watching you, it might be worth taking a few minutes to watch a couple of brief videos to prime your thinking about voting today. After all, if you aren’t doing it to participate in democracy and honour the political process, certainly you’d do it for a free cup of Starbuck’s Joe, wouldn’t you? (I hear it isn’t really poured by “Joe the Plumber”.) So Consider these:

The email arrived in my inbox today, taunting me. “Removal of Joel Osteen, Joyce Meyer, Charles Stanley, David Jeremiah and other pastors from the airwaves,” it proclaimed. “Really?” I thought. The email provided all the details:

An organization has been granted a Federal Hearing on the same subject by the Federal Communications Commission (FCC) in Washington, D.C. Their petition, Number 2493, would ultimately pave the way to stop the reading of the gospel of our Lord and Savior, on the airwaves of America. They got 287,000 signatures to back their stand! If this attempt is successful, all Sunday worship services being broadcast on the radio or by television will be stopped.

Beware all who land on this site. This site may enable you to see truth for the first time. Seeing truth may be just what you are looking for but you need to be careful. Once you have tasted truth you will never be able to stomach lies. You are on dangerous ground if you ever want to fit into the established system. You may [lose] all your friends. You may not have anyone left to worship with. Your children may be left only to you to raise. God will not be controlled any longer. He will be good but no longer safe in that you will not be able to predict his every move. And as for many of your friends. You will need to be willing to loose them. They may (probably will) shun you, dismiss you and turn away from you despite what you now may think. You need to think long and hard about this because it will [affect] your life. Please be careful with this site. Only enter at your own risk.

A few centuries back, the Pope decided that all the Jews should have to leave the Vatican since they did not accept Christ. Naturally, there was some uproar from the Jewish community, so the Pope offered them a deal. He would have a religious debate with a member of the Jewish community — if the Jewish leader won, the Jews could stay. If the Pope won, the Jews would leave.

The Jews realized that they had no choice, and nominated a middle-aged man named Moishe to represent them. Moishe agreed, but had one stipulation: to make it more interesting, neither side would be allowed to speak. The Pope was a little curious, but agreed nonetheless.

Results for the “Which Biblical Villain Are You” Test
You are Caiaphas, the high priest of Israel. You were a member of a strict Jewish sect known as the Pharisees. Aside from praying in the temple, your mission in life was to have Jesus executed. You are a rather ambitious person and you tend to accomplish most of the goals that you set for yourself. This goal was no different. You managed to have Jesus (the Son of God) crucified in approximately the year 28 AD. You had to get rid of Jesus because he was an insult to your pride. Before Jesus showed up, you were the most righteous man in all of Israel. Jesus was not only more righteous than you were, he also pointed out faults in your righteousness. Your pride blinded you to Jesus’ message and drove you to put the man to death. Of course you couldn’t do this right away because many people viewed Jesus as a prophet. This is the point where your deceptive skills came in handy. You welcomed Jesus into Jerusalem as an honored prophet and three days later; you arrested him in the night and hastily set up a trial to execute him.

I have a fond soft spot for the classics. I hope you do too, because this is what you get to amuse yourself with while I work at coming up with something insightful to say.