Prepare to groan:

• What do you call a cow who’s just given birth? De-calf-inated!
• Sign seen in a diner in Antigo, Wisconsin: “Don’t knock our coffee, you may be old and weak yourself sometime.”
• The little-known Coffee Psalm: Caffeine is my shepherd; I shall not doze. It maketh me to wake in green pastures: It leadeth me beyond the sleeping masses. It restoreth my buzz: It leadeth me in the paths of consciousness for its name’s sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of addiction, I will fear no Equal™: For thou art with me; thy cream and thy sugar they comfort me. Thou preparest a carafe before me in the presence of The Starbucks: Thou anointest my day with pep; my mug runneth over. Surely richness and taste shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the House of Juan Valdez forever. Amen.
• A few ways to know you’re drinking too much coffee:
        * You answer the door before people knock.
        * You speed walk in your sleep.
        * You ski uphill.
        * Juan Valdez named his donkey after you.
        * You lick your coffeepot clean.
        * Your T-shirt says, “Decaffeinated coffee is the devil’s blend.”
        * All your kids are named “Joe”.
        * Charles Manson thinks you need to calm down.
        * Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house.
        * You’d be willing to spend time in a Turkish prison.
        * Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale.
        * You don’t even wait for the water to boil anymore.
        * You help your dog chase its tail.

Alright, let the groaning subside now. It’s on to the linkage…

1. This week’s image selection and inspiration for the joke theme is from Rodney Olsen on coffee… and how it helps fight skin cancer. Can’t argue with his conclusions.
2. On the rise of bloggers in China
3. Sometimes you read a line that just puts it all so well. This week it was courtesy of Kingdom Grace: “If we represent Jesus, it isn’t okay if people think we’re an ass.” It ties in well with something the iMonk said.
4. I gather the new U2 album is good, and it’s already circulating on BitTorrent before it’s even been released. Not to be outdone, the the band responded by streaming it online for free. I like that response so much better than dial-a-lawyer. (Brant Hansen likes it.)
5. : “A leading official declared yesterday that Darwin’s theory of evolution was compatible with Christian faith, and could even be traced to St Augustine and St Thomas Aquinas.”
6. More from the iMonk: Twenty-Five Sortof Random Things I Do and Don’t Believe
7. Good post from David Hayward — Cultural Legacy and Mitigated Speech — particularly if you’ve read Outliers: The Story of Success… and if so, the comic panel might make immediate sense to you as well.
8. Brant Hansen tackles Non-Compete Clauses for Churches — because there’s only so many Christians to go around, we need to compete for them.
9. Christine Sine: Blogging for Lent – Various Reflections on Ash Wednesday — and check out that pancake picture… yum!
10. Ed Stetzer summarizes Barna: Tech & the Church Generation Gap… think of this as a portrait of how traditional churches are losing touch especially with 18-24-year-olds.

11. THE SEVEN DEADLY SINS Men 1. Lust 2. Gluttony 3. Sloth 4. Anger 5. Pride 6. Envy 7. Greed Women 1. Pride 2. Envy 3. Anger 4. Lust 5. Gluttony 6. Avarice 7. Sloth

    Two sexes ‘sin in different ways’ says Vatican (HT). The money quote: “The Apostolic Penitentiary, one of the Vatican’s most secretive departments, which fixes the punishments and indulgences handed down to sinners, last year updated its list of deadly sins to include more modern ones.” Quote to ponder:

    Pope Benedict, who reportedly confesses his sins once a week, last year issued his own voice of disquiet on the subject.

    “We are losing the notion of sin,” he said. “If people do not confess regularly, they risk slowing their spiritual rhythm.”

12. Shane Hipps on “Virtual Community”…Again (remember, we addressed virtual community a couple of weeks ago.)
13. The new Kimball/McKnight/McManus/et al network is searching for a name. I was going to suggest Missional Tribe, but, well…. you know. btw, do drop by the MT site and see how the site design is evolving, jump in on a myriad of conversations, and generally connect. Interesting tidbit… the aforementioned community is gathered around a doctrinal statement, while the Missional Tribe is not, though there is a particular leaning among its instigators. We’ll see what happens.
14. Unsure why “Kingdom Grace” is required reading? Try ingesting Missional in the Moment. I’ll bet dollars to doughnuts you can relate. And check out the reminders at her conclusion. Golden.
15. And in case you haven’t been reading much around here in the past week, I had fun yesterday with Lenten Offsets? and I quite recommend The Dylan Mass (free music!). Also don’t forget Missional Conspiracy, a fundraiser for video equipment to document TSK’s emerging/missional journey (near halfway now — the fundraiser, not the trip).