christmas-bailout.jpg Breaking news, and just in the ‘nick’ of time! U.S. Says It Will Bail Out Christmas (via) Hey, the Wall Street Journal wouldn’t lie about this, thank goodness!

Okay, this is the last set of random links before Christmas, so we’ve got some Christmas puns for the occasion, courtesy of Brad Sargent (via email):

  • What do they call Santa’s helpers? Subordinate Clauses
  • What do you call Santa Claus after he’s fallen into a fireplace? Krisp Kringle
  • Who sings “Love Me Tender” and makes Christmas toys? Santa’s little Elvis
  • Which of Santa’s reindeer needs to mind his manners the most? “Rude Olph”
  • What did the Gingerbread Man put on his bed? A cookie sheet
  • What reindeer has the cleanest antlers? Comet
  • What is the cow’s holiday greeting? Mooooory Christmas
  • What does Santa like to eat? A jolly roll
  • Where do Santa’s reindeers like to stop for lunch? Deery Queen
  • What does Santa say when he is sick? OH OH NO!
  • If athletes get athlete’s foot, what do astronauts get? Missile toe
  • How does Santa Claus take pictures? With his North Pole-aroid
  • What do you call the fear of getting stuck while sliding down a chimney? Santa Claus-trophbia
  • What do you call a cat on the beach at Christmas time? Sandy Claws
  • Why does Santa Claus go down the chimney on Christmas Eve? Because it soots him
  • What can Santa give away and still keep? A cold
  • Why do giraffes get Christmas gifts every year? They are so good that they’ll stick their necks out for anyone.
  • Why did the elf push his bed into the fireplace? He wanted to sleep like a log.
  • What do elves learn in school? The Elf-abet!
  • What nationality is Santa Claus? North Polish
  • Why does Scrooge love Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer? Because every buck is dear to him.
  • What do you call a bunch of grandmasters of chess bragging about their games in a hotel lobby? Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.
  • How do sheep in Mexico say Merry Christmas? Fleece Navidad!
  • What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic
  • Why does Santa have 3 gardens? So he can hoe-hoe-hoe.
  • What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite
  • What do you get when you cross an archer with a gift-wrapper? Ribbon hood
  • What do snowmen eat for breakfast? Snowflakes
  • What did Adam say on the day before Christmas? It’s Christmas, Eve
  • What did Tarzan sing at Christmas time? Jungle Bells
  • Why was Santa’s little helper depressed? Because he had low elf esteem.
  • What is the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabet? The Christmas alphabet has No L.
  • Alright, stop groaning. You smiled once or twice in there, I know you did. So on with the weekly linkage…

    1. Nice summary of recent conversation by Kingdom Grace on Disciplemaking
    2. Megachurch facts
    3. Rick Meigs points out “an interview with Neil Cole and Ed Young Jr. which explores their very different approaches to ministry” — Coming and Going: Two leaders. One mission. Two very different strategies.
    4. Len Hjalmarson on Frost and Hirsch’s latest: ReJesus – revisioning Christology? …on the “filioque (‘and proceeds from the Father and the Son’)”
    5. If Jesus Had a Blog: The Good News is Getting Out
    6. David Fitch announces a Missional Non/Conference — Seeding Missional Communities, a Learning Commons (January 3rd 8-4 p.m.) Looks awesome, I’d really love to be there. Somebody send me $450 so I can go, okay?
    7. Andrew Jones investigates the question of the ages: Did the Magi Wear Mullets?
    8. The Yawn Explained: It Cools Your Brain (via Christine Sine)
    9. Nathan Colquoun announces the forthcoming documentary on the emerging church in Canada, One Size Fits All?
    10. An Interview With Ed Stetzer
    11. A spy in the house of Narnia: Salon’s Laura Miller on how the imaginative world of C.S. Lewis inspired her love of reading, as well as her career as a critic.
    12. Time‘s Top Ten Religion Stories includes a tidbit I missed: Extraterrestrials May Already be Saved. No, wait — I knew that, Larry Norman sang about it in the late 60’s or early 70’s.

    Okay, well, I’ve been working on basement renovations all week between work commitments, and I’ve got more drywalling to do — but the end is in sight. And you’ve got some Christmas shopping to do, so let’s cut it off here, shall we?

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