CBC Radio listeners will know “The Voice” who opens each session of The Current on weekday mornings. Last week he announced that the USA was introducing a bill that would provide income for those who have been unemployed for a long term. “George W. Bush intends to sign the bill,” he announced, “on the advice of his accountant.” Okay, that’s not one of the usual corny jokes, but I laughed out loud. The usual corny fare looks more like this:
If a package says, “Open here,” where else could you open it?
What has four wheels, no wings, and flies? A garbage truck
What was Beethoven’s favorite fruit? Ba-na-na-na !
Speaking of bananas, little Jimmy announced he knew how to spell “banana” — “b-a-n-a-n-a-n-a-n-a — I know how to spell it, I just don’t know when to stop,” he said.
What do you call a two wheel vehicle that your father rides? A popcycle.
Do you know why anteaters never get sick? They’re full of anty-bodies.
Dr. Jones fell in the well
And died without a moan
He should have tended to the sick
And left the well alone
Teacher: An island is a piece of land surrounded on all sides by water. Billy: I don’t think so, teacher. There’s not any water on the top side.
What does the ocean say to the boat? Nothing. It just waves.
What did the right shoe say to the left shoe? I think we must be sole mates.
If a fruit grows on a fruit tree, what kind of tree does a chicken grow on? A poultry.
If the police arrest a mime do they tell him that he has the right to remain silent? And if he says a bad word, does his mother wash his hands out with soap?
Well, that should hold you for another week. I’ve had a busy week with a project running down to a deadline, so I’m way behind on my blog-reading. That and I haven’t had a chance to fix my laptop yet — though the fan arrived. The old clunker just doesn’t move that quick. Thank God for the desktop! Alright, here’s some linkage:
- Scot McKnight asks, What do Evangelicals do well? and the iMonk responds. I wanted to answer “Guilt.” but Scot said to try and respond without saying anything negative, so I’m going to have to abstain. I’m not sure that Michael Spencer read that part…
- Looking for Mr. Goodtweet: How to Pick Up Followers on Twitter — Guy Kawasaki. I guess I should try some of his advice…
- 20 Unusual Churches (via Matt Stone)
- The Twitter Status Generator: “Unabashedly benevolent and nesting with pancakes.”
- Local churches are to be created, not cloned.
- I was enjoying a post by Kathy Escobar on what could be when I discovered a link to a nifty chart for the journey: stages in our life of faith, which is also worth a closer look. I guess I missed it in June when I was on the road.
- Now here’s a guy who “gets it”!
- Top 10 Microsoft Moments to mark 25 years of Microsoft.
- Barack Obama: The 50 facts you might not know — listens to Dylan and Miles Davis, uses a Mac, and has read all the Harry Potter books. The new Secret Service code names were announced as well: the ticket would now be “Renegade-Celtic,” which has a nice ring to it. And wrapping up US politics: Bush Spy Revelations Anticipated When Obama Is Sworn In
- “I’m feeling lucky” button costs Google $110 million per year — cool that they haven’t ditched it.
- Are you doing that Christmas pledge where you make everything or buy handmade instead of “commercial” gifts? Here’s one: Darfur Project- Eclectic Bags. Karla swears by them.
- Maybe it’s a Venusian thing. There are quite a few emerging-missional women bloggers out there who have a knack for stringing together the oddest variety of thoughts and making it come out interesting and thoughtful. Like “Molly of the Far North”: Musing on Mercy, SAD lights, and Urine After Hours. I wonder if she’s ever spent a night on the tundra in a tent?
- No, no, no, no, nooooo…… Even for “free,” the price of making this your focus it too high, and leads to lists that seem to mean more than they should.
- For those who manage everything online (calendar, mail, documents, etc.), Zenbe looks interesting. So am I the last person on the planet to prefer a desktop mail client?
- Anyone wondering How Traffic Works?
A short edition this week… if all goes well I should have an extended version next time — keep your fingers crossed.