A blind man walks into a bar and sits down on a stool by the bar. He taps the man next to him and says, “Hey, wanna hear a blond joke?”
The man says to the blind man, “Look buddy, I’m blond. The man beside me is a 400-pound professional wrestler and he is blond. The bouncer is blond. The man sitting over to your left is also blond. Still wanna tell that blond joke?”
The blind man is silent for a moment, then says, “Nah. I wouldn’t want to have to explain it five times.”
Okay, how about this:
Yesterday, scientists in the United States revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones. To prove their theory, they fed one hundred men twelve pints of beer and observed that 100% of them started talking nonsense and couldn’t drive.
And before I get myself in trouble, let’s move on to the dancing duck:
A circus owner walks into a bar to see everyone crowded about a table watching something and cheering. Pressing his way through the crowd, he sees on the table an upside down pot with a duck tap dancing on top of it. The circus owner is so impressed that he offers to buy the duck from its owner. After some heavy negotiations, they settle on $10,000 for the duck and the pot.
Three days later, the circus owner fumes his way back into the bar to find the former owner. He shouts in anger, “Your duck is a ripoff! I put him on the pot before a whole audience, and he didn’t dance a single step!”
“Well,” says the duck’s former owner, calmly, “did you remember to light the candle under the pot?”
Now, then… on with the requisite linkage! Here’s what you get after I had to abbreviate the list again this week — this time because I had a bunch of links stored on my laptop, which needs a new CPU fan and won’t run for more than about a minute unless I continually spray compressed air over the heatsink. Those particular links will just have to wait! ;^)
- If you love sinking time into those Flash-based online games but can’t find enough of them, there’s help: Game Curry is a specialized new search engine for these things.
- “The illiterate of the 21st century will not be those who cannot read and write but those who cannot learn, unlearn, and relearn.” — Alvin Toffler (seen at Execupundit)
- Has anyone heard about The Handmade Pledge? Anyone doing it this year?
- Cool time lapse videos
- Scot McKnight’s Blue Parakeet reviewed at Out of Ur
- What happens when you build a hotel on a traditional elephant route?
- Newsweek reviews Victoria Osteen’s new book: “Joel Osteen is one of the most popular pastors in the country, but both he and Victoria seem, from the outside at least, to be spiritual midgets.” HT: iMonk, who not only takes an decent evangelical shot in his post, but also supplies the groovy blinking Osteen image.
- I hated the “Wazzzaaap” Budweiser commercial, but the updated version, a viral Obama ad, is pretty good.
- Alan Hirsch announces that Forge Canada is now up and running.
- Bob Hyatt says “sinner” is not a moral label — it’s a theological one.
- Burner Culture and the Emerging Church — interesting. Sadly, the topic reminds me of a large meeting I was in once where the Burning Man festival was being offered as an example of how far “bad” the culture had gone, and they were about to show some footage of the event on a video screen. Upon hearing the warning that some of it may be disturbing, Someone in the crowd asked if we couldn’t stop and pray for protection before viewing the footage. Such a very different perspective…
- To All Missional Artists Seeking to Incarnate (enculturate) the Gospel: Take a Look at Andy Crouch’s “Culture-Making” — David Fitch with a book recommendation and mini-rant on Christianity and culture
- Matt Stone has some new Aboriginal Jesus Art; be sure to check out his collection.
- On the US election: this election explained via THE SIMPSONS
- Ur 2.0: Introducing Url & The Urthlings = “Back to Ur”? The CT blog redux.
- Looking at WordPress themes? They aren’t all created equal. 10 checks to the Perfect WordPress Theme
- Climate Change Destroying Walden Pond’s Flowers — What would Thoreau say?
- At the end of a post that doesn’t appear to be on the same topic, Frank Viola asks for opinions on the meaning of missional. Refer to the last paragraph of the post and the discussion following. Brad Sargent weighs in, and his comments spill over into a post on Brad’s blog that lands on an interesting turn of phrase: “Live your faith. Share your life.” Somebody profound must have said that…
- The James Ossuary rises from the dead?
- iMonk asks a great question: Where does the Bible say Satan wants people to go to hell? (Go on, slap your forehead.)
- Scott Cripps attempts to be present in the neighbourhood during halloween. Some friends of ours have been doing this long enough now that it’s expected by the neighbourhood that they’ll do it each year.
- Ron Cole discovers it’s tough to help the homeless… not because of them, but because everything seems stacked against it.
- Another reason to love Canada: it’s less irksome if you’re a celebrity
- Limited time offer: free audiobook download of Cathleen Falsani’s Sin Boldly: A Field Guide for Grace.
And now that I’m on Twitter, here’s a tweet sample from the last couple of days, in reverse chronological order:
* Laptop is reassembled… I hope the extra screw wasn’t supposed to go anywhere important. Laptop out of commission pending fan replacement.
* New post up about the convergence of “Reformation Day” and the ways we celebrate in the neighbourhood. I think. http://tinyurl.com/6mw7us
* attempting to fix my laptop’s cpu fan… laptops have like a nine hundred tiny screws, and they’re not all interchangeable.
* Sitting out by the fire drinking hot chocolate & Bailey’s, watching the ghouls go by.
* Taking the kids out to beg the neighbours for candy. Boo!
* coding website update… css.
* awake. barely. :-/
* Reading Lion, Witch & Wardrobe to youngest daughter. 7:04 PM Oct 30th from web
* Errands. Mundane stuff. Do I need to have something exciting to tweet? 1:53 PM Oct 30th from web
* Fall yard work & home repairs… yuck. At least it’s a nice warm day… 2.5x the average temperature for the day! 11:30 AM Oct 30th from TweetDeck
* Just posted on the changes at Emergent Village. http://tinyurl.com/6pj5x6 9:34 AM Oct 30th from TweetDeck
* Poaching an egg. :-) All out of blackberry preserves. :-( 8:17 AM Oct 30th from txt
* @FrankViola – female, else they’d be more compliant.
* Sending my daughter to school with parts to build a working trebuchet that flings marshmallows across the classroom. Am I daft? 8:00 AM Oct 30th from web
(plus a discussion with Makeesha on Fargo vs. Winnipeg)
* signing up for twitter: I finally succumbed. 7:03 PM Oct 29th from web
Okay, most of that is pretty unexciting… I’m still getting the hang of the whole tweet thing. I might just start leading a more exciting life so I’ll have better things to tweet about. And don’t worry, I won’t be posting all my twitter tweets here all the time… this is just to show you how thrilling my life is so you’ll want to follow me. You know, not like a stalker or anything, just in a weird technogeek kind of way. Like the rest of us who (now) use Twitter.
Oh, and something unusual happened on Thursday. My friendly neighbourhood UPS girl came to my door — one of which I had removed and the other of which was standing wide open since my wife had just painted it — and said she had a delivery for Brother Maynard. “Okay,” I said, taking the package. She then told me that her brother’s nickname had been Maynard: so how weird is that?