I’ve been back at my post for two full weeks following our trip now, and I’ve still got over 2,000 unread items in my newsreader. Do you think everyone in the blogosphere would consider a ceaseblog of new posts for about three days so I could catch up? The scary thing is that even at 2,000 posts, I’m still actually making headway toward catching up. But hey, it’s an uphill battle. ;^) Yikes.

Collected words of wisdom from around the Internet:
• It’s always darkest before dawn. So if you’re going to steal your neighbor’s newspaper, that’s the time to do it.
• Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
• If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
• Duct tape is like ‘The Force’. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
• There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
• Never miss a good chance to shut up: a closed mouth gathers no foot.

Okay, that was your weekly humour fix, such as it is. Take note of Todd Hunter’s new blog, and then we’ll be on to the regularly-scheduled linkage.

1. Top billing: “The crucifixion was the consequence of the incarnation.” Have you read Erika Haub’s missional synchroblog contribution? You must.
2. Blond Fail on the Fail Blog
3. The Tree Circus — patience required for this form of art.
4. Benny Hinn has been granted a “sainthood” by Health, Wealth and Prosperity Gospel leaders. ;^)
5. Why Pat Loughery blogs, in the words of St. Patrick: “I am imperfect in many things, nevertheless I want my brethren and kinsfolk to know my nature so that they may be able to perceive my soul’s desire.” Well put.
6. How to spot a psychopath (HT: Bill Kinnon)
7. Classic photos recreated in Lego
8. How often do you change your car’s oil?
9. iMonk: A Christian Says Thank You George Carlin
10. MarkO is doing one sentence true stories
11. Some guy is selling his whole life, lock stock, and barrel. Passport and personal identity not included… bidding was over $2Million, but is back down around $350,000 now (HT: Hamo)
12. 5 Reasons I would claim to leave the church — interesting list, and rings true for many. The first comment responds to each of the five points, in turn. I was thinking the comment was a nice bit of wry satire until I realized he was serious. But paraphrasing, your pastor works hard and shouldn’t have to socialize with nonbelievers; the benefits of workaholism; the efficiency of assembly-line Christianity; why it’s good to only like .2% of people in your church; and if you want to do ministry, there’s always parachurch. Uuhhmm, yeah. Worth a read; David Fitch responds as well, explaining what they do to prevent each one. Better than defending the list…
13. A Quarter Century of Cornerstone: anybody going?
14. Makeesha sums up some good quotes from the SynchroBlog, “some of the “best of missional””; and another list from Liz.
15. Pat Loughery: Things They Tell Church Planters That Are Simply Wrong. Showing incredible restraint, Pat keeps his list to 7 big ones.
16. Are you happy? (comic)
17. Church attendance linked to sex? You always knew it was an Evangelical obsession.
18. How to Sabotage Your Chruch (sic) “excerpt of a1944 ‘Simple Sabotage Field Manual’ from the US Strategic Services,explaining how to train people to sabotage their workplace.” Sounds eerily similar to what some people call “order” and “process.” Really, it sounds like any church with more than 40 people.
19. Why I’m not a Red Letter Christian
20. I think it started with keeping your mouth shut!, but now iMonk Riffs: A Meme On What You Can’t Say Around Christians… loads of stuff in the comments on both threads. In my CLB, they used to have “pot-blessings” because someone decided “pot-luck” was bad. You wouldn’t say to any of them, “I don’t care if it’s the Christian version, it’s still crap!” You know, about any of those Christianese knock-offs of secular music, books, whatever. A friend took my suggestion one Christmas and changed the sign outside his fireplace store to say “Hearth, the herald angels sing.” Someone from the church complained and he had to change it. Some places should have corporate sponsorship from “Legalists-R-Us.” I’m probably not there anymore because I started saying a lot of things you’re not supposed to. Like, “You can’t herd sheep with a cattle prod!”
21. Quebec girl wins court case over field trip: Father had denied her right to go on class trip …this is just way too much. Quebec law follows the form of French Civil Law, unlike the rest of Canada (for those who don’t know).
22. Stranger than fiction… “an Episcopalian talking to a Vineyard magazine about practices that have been a part of her Anglican heritage and of the ancient Catholic heritage for a long time.” And the fact that Alan Creech posts part of an interview with Phyllis Tickle in a Vineyard magazine. You can’t make up anything that ecumenical… and it’s a good quote. She even says “damn.”
23. Scot McKnight has a couple of book recommendations on Evangelizing Postmoderns. Of James Choung’s True Story: A Christianity Worth Believing In, he says, “instead of beginning with guilt, he begins with humans designed for good. So, he critiques the bridge strategy by making a better strategy.” The second book outlines five stages through which postmoderns pass on the way to faith.
24. I missed this while I was away… 2,000 mourn Chapman girl, stand by brother (HT: Rodney Olsen)
25. There are several of the Top 10 TEDTalks that I haven’t seen yet — I’ll have to get busy watching. TED has just served their 50 millionth video, and are starting to post new ones every weekday now.
26. 50 Best Business Movies Ever: #1 isn’t what you might first imagine, but I agree it makes sense.
27. John Frye lists some Emerging Words, like “sipphony–the sound of people sipping in unison their tiny cups of Communion juice.”
28. The Real Duke of Hazzard ::: The Real Duke of Hazzard: The Jerry Rushing Story
29. By my estimate, about 900 people posted that N.T. Wright was going to be on the Colbert Report, but as far as I know, only Jake Bouma posted a transcript.
30. Olympic swimmers need $600 Speedos in order to stay competitive. They take 20 minutes to get into — but they make you swim faster. Really. “The new suit is cut from a densely woven nylon-elastane material that compresses the wearer’s body into a hydrodynamic shape but is extremely light. Moreover, there are no sewn seams. Instead, the suit is bonded by ultrasonic welding.” Oh, and there’s more. Somehow, it just doesn’t sound that comfortable.

This cuss report ought to make some people feel about 99% better about reading here, at least most of the time. Oh, crap. I just remembered I typed “damn” above. Well, I’m not re-running the report.

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