We done been a-spendin’ some time down heah in the ol’ south, and i’s gettin’ so’s mah speech is bein’ affected. I was a-buyin’ some gas t’day over in Buford, down at th’ RaceTrac station — and there was this line-up in the store, y’know? An’ we was all jus-a-waitin’ fer th’ guy t’ ring us all up, like, an’ there was these good ol’ boys in fron’a me, an’ each-a-them had two beers, ya know? Redneck beer, like Bud an’ Coors Lite an’ stuff like ‘at. Th’ big bottles, ya know? An dang if th’er necks wer’n’t acshully red! Then they started to talkin’, and I purty much couldn’ un’erstan’ a sangle thang they was-a-sayin’! But possom-on-a-gum-bush, it seems I been takin’ to sayin suthern-style things like “y’all,” and I been startin’ to say some things with a drawl, like “sweeet teeea,” with all th’ customaary vo-cal in-fle-ctions, y’know? I’m jus’ gettin’ acclim-a-ted.
But seriously, there’s just a few things I don’t get about these southern folk. Small things what comes up every now and then. I don’t think anyone down here realizes that General Lee didn’t win the war — it’s just that the war ended, somehow isn’t clear, and folks seem as loyal to the south as they are to the United States as a whole. Strange, these southerners, bless their little hearts. See, that’s another thing I learned today while we were dining at “Johnny’s Barbecue” an outta-the-way spot with good cookin’ and lots of traffic runnin’ through the place. Turns out down here you can say any negative thing you like about a person, so long as you add “bless their heart” after it. Like, “Man, she’s ugly, bless her heart.” And if you say “Bless their little heart” that somehow adds extra pity or something… but if you remember to bless the heart, it’s all good despite the insult. I’m learnin’.
So we saw a sign outside a church down here sayin’ that they had hot coals from Lakeland or some such thang, and all of this a-course just got me to thinkin’ ’bout how horrible some of th’ theology and apologetics of some of them Lakeland an’ other Revivalsts is, bless thar little hearts. I’ll prob’ly have more to say on th’ subject, which seems to still be raisin’ some kinda ruckus.
Y’all ain’t from rouncheyar ere ya? Bless yore little heart. ;)
LOL, Fred! ‘Round these here parts, I’m the guy with the funny accent, I guess! We really are enjoying the South, though… with more to come next week.
Strong talk from a boy who don’t know his ‘possums from a Pabst Blue Ribbon. That nice little photo you got thar is TRULY a Southern critter, it being an Australian Possum and all. The ‘Possums we eat, I mean, have down in these parts ain’t that cute.
‘Course now I’m not truly a “Southerner,” I’m a Mountain boy – most of my people fought for the Union – but still – you gotta be careful about how you throw them words around. Somebody’s liable to git hurt.
Well now, I do declare. I believe Bro Maynard is funnin with us Southern Folk. Now, you are a visitin a wee-bit early, but soon the tables ol be over flowing with the bounty from the garden. Corn an butter beans, squash an onions, sliced maters, green beans and lots o fried corn bread. It’s a shame you’ll miss it. Next time yous in that Race Trac, ask one of them fellas to take you bream fishin, you’ll never regret it.
Poor ol Canadian, gotta travel all the way back up yonder, bless yo heart!
As a transplanted Northerner living in the south, I can testify to this.
All of it … and then some …
Dang Alan, that’s what ah git fer jes’ pickin’ from a stock-photo site! We breezed through a wee corner of Kentucky on our way here, but unfortunately nowhere near Lexington.
Jimmy_C, We’ve been getting some good Southern fare despite being a bit out of season — I’m still gettin’ used to the grits! And gravy fer breakfast? Whoda thunk it?
This post shore did start flushin’ out them Suth’ners, bless thar hearts! There really are some good folk down here, though.
alan- thanks for the clarification on the photo! i was trying to figure out why the heck he had posted that picture of a weird animal. that is definitely not what lurks in my yard at night!
maynard, correct regarding “bless your heart”. and, in case you missed it, in lack of any other appropriate comment, “bless his heart” all alone aptly conveys a general insult without specifics.
a few of us realize the war is over. a smaller few of us are actually ashamed, but we dare not say it out loud. nonetheless, as you may recall, it is still quite an insult to call a southerner a yankee. even one who wishes we had avoided the whole war fiasco.
Cindy,
“a few of us realize the war is over.” And there are some around here (particularly in SC) who want to secede from the Union again. Sheesh!
fred, i’m sure we could find plenty of secessionists still alive and well here in alabama too. sigh.
1. If you want to be extra sensitive, you can extend the phrase to “bless her little pea-pickin’ heart”.
2. Be sure to try some chocolate gravy on your biscuits while you’re at it… there ain’t a better breakfast in the world! (well, maybe fried biscuits with Johnny Fair syrup…)
I was born and bred in Tennessee(which some do not consider South enough) and I’m sorry, but grits just aren’t fit for human consumption. Maybe I’m not a true Suthnah but I calls ’em like I see ’em.
My favorite Southern expression – It don’t make me no never mind. Meaning that it doesn’t matter one way or the other. Example :
Irma : Jeb, do you want possum or coon for supper tonight?
Jeb : It don’t make me no never mind. As long we got greens and hoecakes to go with it.
By the by, everything I know about Canadians I learned from Corner Gas.