Sometimes it’s hard not to mangle with Christmas traditions… all in fun, of course. I’m very intrigued by this Advent calendar, for example. My kids are incessantly singing some schoolyard hack of “Jingle Bells,” and every time I hear “The Christmas Song” I’m reminded of a Christmas years ago when a friend who is known for writing his own versions of popular songs recorded a new outgoing message on their answering machine. I forget how the opening lines went, but his jingle ended like this:

Everybody knows
if you hear this, we are not at home —
or we may be call-screening too…
so although it’s been said,
many times, many ways:
“Leave a message, we’ll call you.”

Turns out I can’t listen to the original anymore without these words interloping. Those who know me from college days will know to blame that song on the same culprit who rewrote “The Lion Sleeps Tonight” as a Christian tune called “Sins Away.” Sounds weird, but it actually comes out quite nicely.

Anyway, the other evening at the dinner table we were messing about trying to remember all the gifts in the The Twelve Days of Christmas song without looking them up. We got most of them, but somehow an entirely different version emerged after that. Here’s the list:

baileys.small.jpg A case of Baileys Irish Cream

Two Toblerones

candycane.small.jpg Three candy canes

Four tins of sugar cookies


Ferrero Rocher!

Six butter tarts

applepie.jpg Seven apple pies

shortbread.small.jpg Eight pounds of shortbread

Nine turkeys basting

jelliedsalad.jpg Ten jellied salads

traditional Christmas pudding

Twelve rolls of Rolaids

Kind of a groaner at the end there, but isn’t it rather logical? So has your feasting started yet? What are your favorite food-type traditions? Favorite bastardized Christmas carols?

Share This

Share this post with your friends!