I don’t do a lot of personal updates, and I don’t actually get as personal on my blog as many do… I hope the balance has been alright so far.
I did however request prayer last week, and I’ve been sketchy with details. Right now the details will have to stay sketchy, but the essence of the matter is a power struggle between the partners and proto-partners in my business, and I would like to provide something in the way of additional information and of personal update.
We were able to diffuse the situation last week, but it’s far from over. The evening I posted my prayer request, there was a meeting going on to work out some management issues in front of the staff… I was essentially villified and personally attacked in the process, my leadership questioned by a person who continually shifted blame in my direction while vying for the top leadership role in the organization. I on the other hand tended to take responsibility for what happens on my watch even if it wasn’t directly my doing… so I offered very little in the way of defense, taking the brunt of the internal ill will upon myself for the good of the company in the midst of that crisis moment. The situation has been extremely draining on me and my family… the holidays have been brutal — I’ve had enjoyable and contented moments, but overall I’ve been under a lot of stress and sleeplessness. Over the past week I’ve had about 35 hours’ sleep, and most of that was very restless; two nights I’ve been able to sleep longer than any of the others, probably due to exhaustion. I would lay awake with my mind active and unable to sleep despite being so tired… yesterday I got up at 2:30AM and started watching The Godfather despite having to be at a family brunch the next morning (to add insult to injury, when I got there they only served decaf). I’m working on checking my motivations and considering my various interests and committments, so I’ve got a lot of different scenarios to think through… and I’m feeling pretty beaten down right now.
On the other hand I’ve had support from friends and family who pray for me and are concerned about me. I’ve also had some good advice from those with whom I’ve been able to sit down and share the story, and even had one person (and a very credible one I might add) offer to fly to Winnipeg and sit down to help work through the business questions… at no cost. I’ve got a strategy session booked for myself with a couple of good friends this evening and hope to start gaining some clarity about my next actions over the coming week (which is about all I’ve got). I do appreciate the prayers offered on my behalf, and if I can continue to impose, I would appreciate further ones. If anyone has specific insights or impressions received during prayer, I appreciate receiving those as well.
Gratia Vobis et Pax,
When I pray for you (which I will continue doing) I just sence a great peace. like I am plugging into a situation where God has total control. The Lord will fight for you.
Thanks for the update. It’ll help me to pray more specifically.
We hope you know that we’re standing with you in this and want
to help in whatever way we can…
Will keep you in my prayers, Bro. We can certainly empathize with the vilification scenario. It’s brutal.
You’ve got my prayers. God is able.
Thanks again, everyone… it helps just knowing y’all are thinking of me fondly, and I can feel the helpful effects of your prayers. Still, today was a difficult day again, with things hitting me pretty hard. I’m trying to imagine a new chapter and it’s full of a lot of unknowns… but I don’t even know how much is left of the chapter I’m on, maybe more than I think. Those who have sent word back are generally tending to report a sense of peace when they pray for me — this is quite encouraging, even though it’s a struggle for me to actually feel peace right now.
Sorry to hear about your struggles, the tiredness
and the sleepnessness. Perhaps I could offer something that I
hope God will use as a calming and practical help. There are some
audio samples from the Inspiring Calm website which are Scriptures
and Reflections read to a calming background of music, birdsong, gentle streams and ocean waves. It takes about 10 minutes to listen to samples of all the tracks but I hope by the end of it a sense of peace will be a step closer.