A.J. Schwanz is asking a great question, about whether detoxing from church has to be done “cold turkey.” Wow, that’s a great one — and one I really want to take a stab at. The basic question is about the best means of detoxing from church. Indeed, an interesting question to ponder.
First, we should define “cold turkey.” The phrase dates to 1910 when cold turkey was the quickest thing to prepare in the kitchen, requiring no planning or forethought. It began to be applied to quitting addictive substances in 1922, first to heroin. Basically it means to quit suddenly, but the common usage of the phrase seems to imply quitting without a slow-down period or aids such as the patch for smoking.
So, must detoxing from church be done “cold turkey”?
First, “suddenly.” Here my answer is “no.” I would in fact argue that only rarely is detox sudden, or even the the decision to begin a season of detox. My own experience is one of the few that I know of which has a major crisis-moment, and yet even that is just the cap on a long process of growing disillusionment. It’s a milestone, not the whole event.
Next, the lack of aids and slow-down periods. I might suggest trying the gum, but the endless chewing of a tasteless, nutritionless glob might be too reminiscent of the thing we’re trying to detox from here, and it won’t help break the pattern. The metaphor here is probably the attempt to keep believing exactly the same things as before, including continuing to agree with the old guard regarding church structure and practice…. but in the end this isn’t going to quench the detox drive or nourish the soul that cries out longing for detox. The patch perhaps has more merit for this application, but I think it will ultimately only prolong the process. The way this works is to give you a constant but diminishing dose of the thing you’re trying to kick, which makes sense for a drug… but for a habit I think a different strategy is required. The patch metaphor in this context might be to keep attending the midweek Bible study or small group but decline to attend Sunday mornings. The problem here is that it won’t help you to keep being fed on Wednesday or Thursday by people who tell you each week that you’re in mortal danger on Sunday.
To kick a habit, you have to change your ways so that you begin to see what was wrong with the old ways to the point where you can’t imagine how you used to practice the former habit. This is where detox comes in, and why it works the way it does. Here we imagine a distancing from the regular meetings of the church or church structure you formerly attended… what will become your CLB. During this period, the gradual slowdown might be contemplated. Drop in on different congregations, but be resolute about not making a decision to simply change churches. You’re trying to make a bigger migration than simply swapping brands, and until you’re well into the process, you won’t be prepared to make such a decision — you’ll be tempted to decide you’ve found a better church, but ignore it. Even if you have, you’re not making a switch to menthol, you’re seeking to find the clarity of mind to see this whole thing with greater perspective. For some, the occasional visit to different churches may serve to help change the way you see the place you’ve come from. Eventually, a return visit to your CLB will leave you seeing it from an entirely different perspective, and it may be a while before it elicits nostalgic feelings. For others, I suppose that true “cold turkey” is a reasonable way to go about it… and I suspect that it may speed the process, but that’s only a suspicion.
A final word about detox. You’ll be warned about how, you know, the Bible says not to forsake meeting together, and that means you’re supposed to park your buttocks in a pew every Sunday, or something like that… they might phrase it differently. This is one of the things that becomes increasingly clear in the detox process… that proximity is not community. To guide you through the detox process, I strongly urge a focus on community, meaning that I suggest anyone on this path find a few people who have been down it before to help guide and encourage them along the way. Find some people you can share your life with, and who will share theirs with you. Be certain to discuss the subject head-on and to talk through all the questions along the way as they come up. This is the essence of what the misquoted verse urges, and I can tell you from experience, it makes all the difference. This alone will ensure you come through it with your faith intact — and perhaps even stronger than ever.
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February 27th, 2006 at 9:34 am
Great post, Bro! I think you pointed out a key element here that people aren’t quitting church suddenly. My experience (and the experience of most of the emerged folks around me) has been that actually making the move out of church was the end of a long, sometimes painful, process of disillusionment.
“Detox” is giving up the addictions to the trappings of religion. That means the process of discovering spirituality apart from activity and proxies–a hard road filled with doubt. It also involves a healing of the critical spirit born during the disillusionment period–getting back to the point where you no longer view your way as the better way (the only thing worse than a non-smoker is an ex-smoker). This isn’t to say that in the end you will see it merely as a question of style. Rather, in the end, you will see that disagreeing and criticizing (or being criticized) are not productive and really aren’t even important.
Now the question is: can this process take place within the church? I don’t think so.
February 27th, 2006 at 7:24 pm
You’ve raised some excellent points here. The thing we (my husband and I) found especially important was community. You’re right … it’s not about parking your rear-end in a pew, it’s about finding others who are a bit further down the road than you. Who can point out the roots in the path that will trip you up, and the other stumbling places. Who will graciously and generously share their lives with you. Then you in turn, can turn around and do that with others.
The sad thing is that those who are still in the institutional church (and are being fed by it) take this so hard. They see it as such rejection and then reject us in defense of themselves. I’m not sure it’s meant as rejection of the people, just of the institution. The institution doesn’t work for all of us, and that’s not bad. It’s not good. It just is. And I wish those folks who are in it wouldn’t take it so hard. I wish we could all remember that we’re all part of the same Kingdom.
In any case, thanks for this very thoughtful post. Sonja
February 27th, 2006 at 10:13 pm
intersting metaphor. One theory of change suggest that people move through 5 stages of change; precontemplation, contemplation, preparation, action and maintenance. So, I think I agree that detoxing truly is quite a journey through a variety of ’signposts’ along the way. Unfortunately, substituting one addiction for another is a common method. I continue to wonder why so many focus on the “delivery system” of the drug of choice rather than what it is you and I were/are really addicted to. The institution is the needle, the pastor is the drug dealer and the drug is what gives me the euphoric feeling, the high I wait all week to get on a Sunday morning. Changing one delivery system (institutional church) for another delivery system (emerging church or house church) without addressing the drug itself really only deepens/strengthens the denial that supports the addiction.
just my two cents worth,
grant
February 27th, 2006 at 11:07 pm
[...] Brother Maynard wrote a post regarding “Church Detox: Does It Have To Be Cold Turkey?” [...]
February 28th, 2006 at 10:33 am
[...] As far as bloggers go, I’m relatively a newcomer to the world. And I mix things up. I think a lot of men probably find my blog frustrating. I don’t focus on one thing (theology, or running, or photography). I focus on my life, which is a mix of many things. I homeschool my children, I help plan worship services for my church, I quilt, I fall off virtual cliffs in my mind, I track my extended family, I tentatively track the emerging church, and you will find all of that and more (U2) here. Women can track this, men find it frustrating. Oh well.I also follow a lot of blogs. I especially follow blogs about the emerging church. I find those very interesting. Well … I did. But now I find I’m getting frustrated with them as well. I’m getting bored. Because they all seem to be saying the same things over and over again. I don’t want to point fingers, because you know what happens then, don’t you … you get three fingers pointing back at ya.But, lately I’ve been noticing a lot of complaining about the church. What’s wrong. Why won’t it change? And on and on. But here’s the thing. The so-called Institutional Church really is feeding a lot of people. Or at least they think they are being fed. (Maybe I’m splitting hairs here). But the thing is that they are happy, they sense God and the Holy Spirit at work in their lives. So … why should we change things for them? My problem (and it is my problem) is that God and the Holy Spirit does not work in my life like that. So I need to find something different. That doesn’t mean that I need to change the entire institution of the church universal. I don’t think the entire church needs to change for about 10% of the population who are not being fed. That 10% can find another way of working things out. I think God is big enough to work things out for and with us. The problem here is not spiritual, it’s cultural. We (in the West, and particularly the US) as a result of the Industrial Revolution have been weaned on this idea that uniformity of function will produce more perfect results. We are now 4 or 5 generations into this. Our schools raise our children with this idea. Our factories and our offices stress this idea. Our suburbs and our farms all look alike. Just think about it, when was the last time you ate at a truly independent restaurant? And the time before that? We want to be able to go anywhere and find things that look, taste, smell and sound just like home. Including church.But ….There are some of us who are not like this. There are some of us who see life differently. We see God and His Kingdom differently. This is important. God needs all of us in order to unleash the fullness of His grace. It’s not limited to just the institutional church, or just the emerging church. It’s going to take all of us. And it’s even going to take some people who haven’t made themselves known yet. But we need to stop poking at our differences and stop talking about why we’re different or how we’re different. And just take a look around at the work that God is doing in the world and see where we can get on board with it. Where can we, in our individual communities, join up with our Creator in unleashing grace in our communities. How can we (no matter our church affiliation) bring His Kingdom come on earth as it is in Heaven … (HT – Scot McKnight and Brother Maynard) [...]